The other night I had a dream that I was on a ledge
and hanging onto a light fixture. One of those square
ones that seem to always be on and found hanging on
the side of schools, warehouses, etc.
Anyway, I am teetering on this ledge, making my way
around the light straddling it as I tip-toe around,
feeling for some footing.
Looking over my shoulder is unnerving to say the
least. I'm hundreds of thousands of feet up (think
Road-runner/Wile E.coyote), above the clouds even. So
high that there is no rightful business for a light,
let alone a cliff to be there.
So there I am, hanging on to this light with both
hands, it's center right on my chest - I can even feel
the warmth of it on my body...
And just like that, with no warning whatsoever, the
light snaps free from the wall with a creak, screws
ripping from the cement. I attempt to reach for
something else as I begin to fall away from the wall,
but it's too late. And I begin to fall.
I look over my shoulder as I am falling to see the
clouds I am rapidly approaching whisk by me in a haze.
I think to myself, "well, shit. I guess this is it. I
am going to die. Fuck."
Then I thought of you and your parents, at my funeral
as I'm sure my parents would insist on having one for
me, even though I have told them repeatedly that I
want a party with an open bar...Anyway - You are
crying as are they -- doing the normal funeral
things...shaking heads and asking "why?"
My parents and my sister are there too - but seeing
that is too depressing, so I try to think about
something else.
So then I jump to the first time I had sex and think
about how great and at the same time utterly awkward
and useless it was. And quick. And not that great
actually, but it sure felt good. Better than falling
to ones death...
(oh yeah, I was on the ledge taking a shortcut around
a cliff outside an arena. Jeff and Justin were on the
ground and egging me on, telling me to hurry, as the
game was about to begin. Yeah, it doesn't make sense,
but it's a dream. So anyway, the game starts and I am
going around the ledge slow and they are yelling at me
to hurry. Then the game starts and they go in to leave
me all alone -- then I fell)
So the next thing I think is that those two fuckers
are going to come out of the game and see my ass
splattered on the parking lot. That's what they get,
those bastards. And that's what they get for leaving
me and going into the game. I'll show them. Right.
Then I wonder what is taking so long, as I have been
falling for quite some time.
So I start thinking this is it. Soon I will know what
happens when you die. Will I wake up? Be in heaven
(ha!)? Hell? What? Darkness? Light? Will I be a Kitty?
Bug?
It's strangely clam as I fall too. No wind or noise.
But I can still feel the warmth of the light against
my chest, as I am falling backwards, still grasping it
tight...
And then I woke up.
It was one of the most real and scariest dreams
ever... and not scary like I woke up gasping or out of
breath or anything like that.... Just calm as a Hindu
cow, even though I thought I was going to die. (Not
quite) My whole life had passed before me and I was OK
with seeing what was next. It was freaky. I have had a
lot of dreams with cliffs and shit like that, but I
have never fall to where I would actually die or hit
the ground is all - usually I fly away or some crazy
shit saves me. Not this time.
Anyway, that was my dream. Crazy as usual. And better
than any movie I have seen..
M
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